The Dow lost over 50 points today. Volume was average and the advance/declines were negative. I'm trying not to do anything stupid here. Only 2 days left and I would like to get some calls but I will probably just sit it out. I should have gotten some NEM calls yesterday. Had a chance to get the same ones I sold earlier very cheap. But I wasn't paying attention. I was distracted and that won't cut it. I was in the dentist for the final 2 hours today and that's not good either. The XAU was up 4 points and NEM soared about 2 bucks on very heavy volume. It was an opportunity missed and you know how I feel about that. There is no excuse. I just wasn't good enough this time around. It pains me to think that my reasoning was right on and I didn't make a fucking dime off of it. I must be a complete moron because I know what it takes and I still haven't brought myself to do it. I'm hanging around in toothache pain or hiking around in the woods. Hiking has it's place but not at the expense of trading. I know what happened and I'm still trying to adjust to my situation in life as it now is. It is harder than I thought it would be. My focus and concentration are gone. The discipline is non-existent. I can't do it like this. Gold has been going higher, the volume is there and I am twiddling my thumbs. I must be an idiot. It's one thing to see it coming. It's another to do what you must and make some money off of it. I can't believe how bad I've gotten. Have I done all this work and put in all this time for nothing? It seems so at this point. But I do know things will change and I will get my shit back together. Gotta. Now where do we go from here. I think it would be best to stay out right now. My mind just isn't able to function properly. I need to start over maybe and take it slow. But the markets are relentless and that's how you've got to be too. I'm going to step back and regroup. I have to. I don't want to go in lamenting about all I've missed here. Time will heal that but it is painful now. There is no easy path in the game. An honest look at what has just occurred is necessary and vital to future success. Really, it is impossible for me to trade under the current circumstances. Changes must and will be made. I know what has to be done and it is up to me to do it. There is no other way...